Birthdays have always symbolized happiness to me but yesterday was different. Adam would have turned thirty-three yesterday. Life is so fragile and short. I miss my brother....I could end this entry with that but I know that there is more. Adam said before he died that he felt bad for us because he was excited to start his new life in the presence of God. He said that it would be harder for us because we were left behind to deal with his loss, but he encouraged us by trusting that he knew where he was going. He was right. I miss my brother....
I went for a five mile run today with a loop of Jars of Clay songs playing on the ipod. What a blessing to be able to run. To enjoy the beautiful day. To be encouraged by great music. I broke down in the middle of my run in tears, overwhelmed by the gravity of my loss. I kept running, what else can I do? The day Adam died I ran out of the house and I never wanted to stop. I collapsed in the front yard in a heap of sorrow because I knew I had nowhere to go. I would have ran forever. I can run now, I have something to run for! I can choose every day, even if it's hard, even if I don't feel all that good, I have a choice, for me and for those around me, I have that choice. I will keep running.
2 comments:
My heart is so heavy for you and your loss of Adam, but at the same time is so thrilled to see how you are handling it all. Adam would be proud, and I know God is too. Keep running the race well, Andrew. It sure was good to see you guys last week. We're praying for you.
I ran for five miles on Friday too. I found it unusual because I have never ran that long consistently...ever. I do believe that perhaps it was a God thing. Like intercession, but you ran too, so I'm not quite sure.
I like reading your blogs, and I'm so proud of you for doing all this for your brother and other people who need hope in their lives. You are an amazing man and I know that God is giving and has given you such a heart to help people. You are inspiring.
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