One Foot in Front of the Other

Few things in life catch me off guard. I have always tried to quickly look at the big picture, figure out what is there and what is best to do. Regardless of how hard, or how difficult, I have always been confident in the end result. That is good most of the time, but not all. I must admit that this time of year has caught me off guard. I can pretend to see the big picture and it looks beautiful and promising, yet there is so much missing. I was not prepared to feel this weight, and there are so many needless things that make it heavier. For now I sit on the unfortunate realities of life. Unfortunately it feels lonely at times. I don't know how that is possible. My wife is the most perfect woman for me and my precious Bijou is so perfect and happy all the time. Yet life has dealt me some ugly cards here and there. Those people and those places are irreplaceable. Thus is the pit-falls of life.

I am so thankful for all the added support in my Team in Training races. I would have stopped at one race if not for all the amaizing generosity. Having two more race goals has become such a blessing to me right now. I do not have time to sit and feel down. That is a good thing. A great thing. I continue to make a difference with many of you in the fight against cancer. That makes me feel good.

This morning, after my morning team run, I looked back in my computer tracking log, to see the miles I have put in since all this began. I was pretty surprised! Since I started training at the end of last May I have biked all most 900 miles, and ran all most 100. I began training at about 225 pounds and now sit at a solid 185. I feel that I have more energy than ever. I am definitely healthier than I have ever been. I had to look back because I was starting to wonder if I was getting burned out. I have come this far and I do not want to get burn out. I am getting so close to finishing. I think a lot of it is this month. It is all ready proving to be a hard one. I just don't know what to do about it. I think I know that I can't do anything about it, and maybe that bothers me.

Difficulties are just things to overcome, after all. – Ernest Shackleton

I want so badly to pray with Dan Roelofs but he is gone. I want so badly to go back to Woodland Fellowship and be washed away by the worship and feel the genuine concern of my brothers and sisters, but that is gone. I want so badly to walk over to my brothers garage and hang out with him and the boys, but he is gone and the feeling is not the same. I want so badly for there to be honesty among adults and a desire to seek the truth, to lift one another up and grow as we have been commanded to do. To love one another as we have been loved.

I know my pain is not new, just new to me, and is nothing compared to what so many others have faced. I know that my Father hold my heart and I can feel comfort in my times of hurt. I see so many blessing in my life that He has orchestrated on my behalf, to be able to handle this chapter of my life.

I am blessed, I am able, and I am going to make it through this month.