Summer Busy Summer!

Every year it happens. You look forward every year for warm weather fun events and more warm weather. Then it happens. They start talking about the state fair and the next thing you know all the back to school sales will be on. I have really been enjoying this summer, but not because it's been relaxing. I'm learning that I am a good juggler but not a great one. I feel like I have been dropping a few too many balls lately. I can only hope to make adjustments on the fly at this point. It seems like I only have had time to mow the yard once or twice a week and nothing else. I need to be doing more. Then there is the myriad of little jobs that I need to be doing after work that I have been slacking on and believe me I NEED to be doing them.
It seems like the only things I want to do lately are train for the tri and hang out with Bijou. She is getting so big so fast she is just learning how to crawl and her laugh is getting so fun. She is such a happy baby. What a blessing.
I know that I need balance in my life. Just because I have found something (the tri) that is very fulfilling to train for. And even though Bijou is the greatest blessing that has ever come into Janet's and my life, the rest of the world is still moving. It is becoming a big challenge to give time to all the other areas in my life that need attention. Looking forward down the road of life it looks even more challenging. I think that allot of my struggle is simply trying to adjust to life without Adam around. It just feels a bit empty. Time has been good but not at all easy. Training has become difficult at times lately because it feels like too much. From the back of my mind, thoughts creep in to stop running, or quit swimming, or when the hill gets to long and hard on the bike and my legs feel like giving up I actually consider it. I have never had that. I have never backed down, and I don't believe I will yet I struggle with the fact that the thought is there. I will not quit yet my struggle is unexpected.
I did not train last Sat. and Sunday I did not feel like training but thankfully Brad pushed me into a bike and then I put Bijou into her stroller and we went for a run. We ran up to Adams plot at the cemetery at the top of the hill and I realized just how fresh the pain still is. I have been trying to learn and grow so much through this that I haven't really given in at all into the emptiness that is inside. I am proud of the days that I was able to share with my brother and admire how strong he was until the end. There were times of weakness but he finished strong and that is what I intend to do in my race. Life can be a long journey and I will do my best to continue to do what I can every day. Along the way I pray that God will allow me the wisdom to balance "life" and its many things we all juggle.
Today I was able to relax with Bijou for a little while. Then Janet and I meet John and Kristine for a swim on the river. We were able to get in around three quarters of a mile in decent time. We were both tired. This week of training will be good because of the hot, steamy weather. I would imagine that race day will be allot like this.